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Calm the Raging River
By Cyndy
Disclaimer: Joss is a genius and I grovel at his feet. Warnings: None, a very mild story with no pairings. Feedback: I really want to know.
Simon was frustrated as he watched River flailing about in Jayne's grip. "You have to have her arms crossed in front of her. Your right hand holding her left wrist."
"I'm tryin'," Jayne called back over River's rantings, "but it were a whole lot simpler practicin' on Kaylee. She didn't move so much." With a bit more maneuvering Jayne had River more or less immobile; she couldn't hurt herself or anyone else.
Close enough, Simon thought, looking at the hold Jayne had on his baby sister, "I'll be right back." He raced to the infirmary grabbed a needle and bottle and returned to the kitchen to find River sobbing quietly in Jayne's grasp.
"It's okay," Simon said softly, "you can let her go."
Jayne released his hold on her, but instead of River coming to her brother for comfort, she curled up in Jayne's lap with her head on his chest. Simon was shocked, but it was funny to see the large mercenary with his arms hanging loosely at his side, staring down in confusion at the girl on his lap.
"Ya wanna get her off me, doc?" Jayne snarled.
Simon approached them, "River, mei-mei, come on, why don't I get you to bed."
Without moving River stated, "Listening."
"Listening to what mei-mei?"
"Life." River said and Jayne grunted. River turned her face upward although she was still tucked far under his chin. "Shh, spoil the sound." And returned to her original position.
Simon realized that River was probably being soothed by the sound of Jayne's heartbeat and respiration. "River, can Jayne carry you to your room?"
"Don't know," River answered, "can he?"
Simon stifled a laugh as Jayne growled; scooping her up, he carried her to her room.
Simon poured over the papers spread out on his bed, lists of medications, how much and when. He cross-referenced this with the daily log of River's behavior. River's 'fits' were less frequent but much more intense. It was because she was so uncontrollable at these times that he had enlisted the aid of Jayne, well really, asked Mal to enlist Jayne's help. River's moments of lucidity where getting longer and the side effects of this medication seemed very low. He just wished there were a way to tone down these violent episodes without losing the positive effects.
"Got her." Jayne called as he grabbed River around the waist and pulled her close. Looking around the cargo bay, he saw a crate and ducking her swinging fists, he dragged her over to it so he could sit down. Quickly he locked her lower legs between his. He encircled her right wrist with his left hand, her left wrist with his right hand, locked his elbows at his side pulling her tightly to his chest, and used his head to push her head against his shoulder.
Simon came running with the sedative, but stopped when he saw that River was already beginning to calm down. He watched as her muscles released their tension and her shrill cries became gasping sobs.
Jayne looked up at the doctor, confused, "Well are ya just gonna stand there and stare."
"No." Simon answered, "I mean yes, actually. She seems to be getting through this without my help." When he realized what he had said, his heart ached. She didn't need medication; she needed human contact. He was the one who should be calming her, not this hired thug.
Slowly Jayne loosened his hold on her and she once again curled up on his lap.
"Could you..." Simon paused remembering the last time, "would you carry River to her room."
"This is more than I signed on for doc." Jayne grumbled as he scooped the tiny package up in his arms and stode to the passenger dorms.
Maybe he had been too quick in his assessment of River's needs, Simon thought as River tried to pull against his arms, arching her back and yelling out curses. His muscles were aching from the abuse and the bedframe was cutting into his legs. He had been restraining her for almost half an hour and she showed no sign that this would end soon. Maybe it had been a coincidence that Jayne had been holding her the two times she calmed down on her own.
Just then Kaylee knocked, "You all right in there?" She called through River's still closed bedroom door.
"Kaylee," Simon called out imploringly, "go get Jayne."
It seemed like forever before the hulking man pushed through the doorway and took River from him.
Simon staggered to the infirmary, grabbed what he needed and returned to find that River's breathing had slowed dramatically. She was no longer struggling to get free and seemed to be starting to relax. Simon was stung. How could this brute of a man have such a calming effect on his sister? He felt useless as he stood by watching his sister relax enough for Jayne to let go and as always she curled up on his lap, her breaths coming more smoothly.
Jayne turned slightly, moving her off of his lap and onto her bed. He got up to leave. As he passed the doctor he grumbled, "Least I didn't hafta carry her."
When Jayne had left, Simon went to River and placed a blanket over her. She turned to look at him and give a tiny smile. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
He rubbed his arm and said, "No permanent damage...feeling better already." He smiled down at her.
"Not your body, your spirit."
Simon flinched slightly; she was talking about his feelings of being powerless to help her. With all his medical training he could do nothing but sit back and watch an uneducated miscreant help his sister. His baby sister whom he would do anything for.
"It's Jayne's noise." River said.
"What?" Simon asked quietly.
"Jayne's noise is quiet. Makes me feel better."
Catching on he said, "Oh the sound of his heart and his breathing."
She considered this a moment, "No, that comes after."
Confused, Simon asked quietly, "What's Jayne's noise?"
"Deep. Feel it on my back." River smiled, "Gentle buzzing. Hear it as it comes out so low."
"He hums!" Simon exclaimed. "Would it help if I hummed?"
"He sounds like a home; you sound like a hospital." River focused on Simon, "Hurt you again." She said sorrowfully.
"You didn't mei-mei. You didn't"
As Simon headed for dinner, River's words repeated in his mind. He didn't understand. Jayne sounded like a home, while he, her brother, sounded like a hospital. Why didn't he sound like a home, after all they had gone through together? He was the only family she had on this ship and yet she said Jayne sounded like a home.
He entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table. River was listening to Kaylee tell about a job she and her father had done when she was young. The man who hired them didn't believe that Kaylee could fix his machine and a bet had been made. So not only did they get their pay for the job, the man had to pay them double.
Jayne laughed heartily, "That'll teach 'em to underestimate the power o' Kaylee."
He let his mind drift as he heard the conversations swirl around him. He noticed a warmth in his chest as he became mesmerized by the sound of the voices blending together melodically. Was this what River meant? Does Jayne remind her of this? He looked across the table at River and recognized the peace in her eyes as she ate her dinner, listening to the melody.
He sat on his bed and hummed. He didn't know if he was supposed to hum a tune or what exactly, so he stopped. This was embarrassing, was he really thinking of asking Jayne for advice on how to help his sister. He must have stepped into some alternate reality where doctors didn't treat patients, soldiers did. Well, he thought, if I going to do it, I may as well do it now.
Simon headed for the kitchen; he had seen Jayne heading in there with a couple of guns and the paraphernalia he used to clean them. Simon hesitated before entering, summoning his courage and deciding what to say.
He entered the kitchen and sat in a chair near Jayne, who was busy cleaning his gun and didn't bother to look up.
"Jayne," Simon began, "I was wondering if I might ask you a few questions?"
Jayne looked at him briefly then went back to his work.
"Is that a 'Yes'?" Simon asked.
Jayne huffed out a long breath of air, put the gun down and sneered at Simon "Anything to make you git faster." He sat back and folded his arms across his chest.
Here goes everything, he thought as he searched for the words he had prepared. "River said that when you restrain her, you hum."
Jayne thought a second, "I guess I do." He agreed.
Guess? Simon didn't expect that reply, but he had to find his answer so he pressed on. "Is it some sort of song?"
"What're you trying to get at doc?" Jayne snapped, "I ain't got all night."
Simon really didn't want to say this, but he had to; it was for his sister. "She said...she said you sound like a home and I sound like a hospital."
Jayne roared with laughter as Simon tried not to drown in his embarrassment. He wished that Jayne would just shut up before the rest of the crew came in and asked what was so funny.
"Finally she says somethin I can understand." Jayne chuckled.
"Well, would you mind explaining it to me?" Simon snapped.
This brought on another bout of laughter. "All your book learnin' and you don't even understand somethin this simple." Jayne shook his head. "When your talkin to her, you get that snotty tone that says your better 'en her. Ya know, the way doctors talk to people. Ya get all tense."
"So you're saying I should act more like a brother than a doctor?"
"Couldn't hurt"
"But what about the humming. Why do you do that?" Simon pushed.
"Hell, I don't know, it's just what ya do, ya know. Like if a baby's fussin, ya just hold it and hum.
Now it was Simon's turn to laugh, "Babies? What do you know about babies?"
"Back home everyone had to pitch in, no matter what the chore." Jayne grabbed his gun and started cleaning it again, "That's what families do."
As Simon left the kitchen he was in shock, he had just learned something important from a man who had never gone to school. He had learned something that can't be taught in school, this thought alone was enough to make his head spin. But added to the fact that his "teacher" was Jayne, and Simon thought his head might explode.
Simon sat on a chair in the kitchen with River on his lap. He was gently rocking her while making quiet shushing noises. Her breathing had slowed and Simon was releasing her as she turned her face toward him.
With ragged breaths she asked, "Can I listen to your life now?"
Simon understood and let her press her head against his chest to listen to the rhythm of his heart. 1
If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Cyndy
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