All the good is Joss' doing; all the gou shi is my own.
SEEIN', FALLIN', CAUGHT
They say you can't miss a place you've never been. Well, that ain't so. There was a place I'd been missin' without ever havin' been there. Found that out on Higgins' Moon. A place I have been in point of fact an' don't miss. Ain't got much fondness for places where I realize I've been actin' dumber than Jayne.
They also say there's none so blind as them that won't see. They ain't wrong about that. Di'n't wanna see. Cou'n't see the point of seein'. But some things're jus' too damn insistent and try as you might to beat 'em down, they spring right back up at ya. Some things gotta be seen.
So - Higgins' Moon. Lump of gou shi rock stinkin' to high heaven. An' full o' surprises as it turned out. First off, Jayne the hero. That was a mite unsettlin', let me tell you. Then Stitch Hessian tryin' to kill the sonofabitch. An' finally that gorram landlock on Serenity. Fear of gettin' caught - imprisoned - still runs deep in me, I ain't ashamed to admit. 'Course I was caught. Just too blind to see it.
Back on the ship Jayne was awful down about that mudder takin' a bullet for him. Did my best to talk it out with him, but neither of us is much good with words. Gotta wanna see an' be seen for that. Jayne an' me - we like passin' by unnoticed, untouched, free.
Anyhow, felt a mite down myself afterwards an' decided some o' Kaylee's sunshine (a beverage made by the brightest star in the 'verse can't be called moonshine) might cheer me up some. Musta been stronger than usual, 'cos things went kinda fuzzy when I stood up.
Went fuzzier still when the doc walked in, so I sat back down.
Had a coupla them plastic stitch things on his cheekbone, the pale skin round 'em already turnin' purply-blue. Moon dust still on his unbuttoned waistcoat, blood staining his white shirt sleeve. An' all manner of jumpy despite it only bein' me there in the mess an' not Stitch Hessian. Yeah, I told myself, that wang ba dan shook him up good. Shook me up too.
"Mal!" He sounded surprised to see me and his eyes widened. Still two eyes - merciful Buddha! Eyes too damn pretty for the loss of one of them to be anythin' other than a tragedy. How come I'd never seen that before? They fell on the glass in my hand. "Would you mind if I ...?"
"Sure. Help yourself." We drank in silence. Said nothin'. I closed my eyes, but I could still see him.
"I should go. You're tired," he said, voice all quiet like.
Don't know why the picture of him an' Kaylee all cozy and wrapped in each other's arms that mornin' popped into my brain. Had mixed feelin's about it. Liked watchin' him wake up. Liked bein' the first thing he saw. Not so glad of Kaylee bein' asleep on top of him. Di'n't need those kind of complications - tha's how I explained away the sudden boilin' in my gut. But there in the mess I knew that wa'n't the truth of it.
I opened my eyes and found him givin' me that doctory look. Like he knew what was best for me an' was about to tell me what to do. I could see the words formin' on his lips. So I reached out a hand and grabbed him by the back of the neck. Pulled him towards me an' shut him up the only way I could think how.
I kissed him.
Surprised my own self with that, no denyin' it. An' all them things I'd been not seein' started dancin' about, wavin' their arms at me - callin' me a dumb fool. Things like why I'd punched him first day he came on board an' then asked him to stay. Why I flinched when he was stitchin' me up. Why I hid him when Harken came a-knockin'. Why I went back for him. Why I would always go back for him.
I kissed him like I wanted him to stop seein' anything other than me. Not gentle, not sweet. Hard, rough, deep.
Then I let him go.
He rocked back in his chair and ran his tongue over his lips. Ran his fingers through his hair whilst those gorram eyes stared at me, askin' all manner of question I di'n't wanna answer.
I stood up. "Shou'n't have ..."
"Why?" he asked simply, a little smirk tellin' me he already knew.
"Cos ..." I shook my head. Shrugged.
He got up too and stood inches from me. Smilin'. And then he snatched my suspenders, twisted 'em round his hands and yanked me into him. His kiss wa'n't gentle or sweet neither. It was dark and hungry, like he'd been starvin' till then. Fair took my breath away.
Lack of oxygen can do strange things to a man's brain. First off it makes him forget about anythin' other than breathin'. I sucked on his mouth like he could fill my lungs with air. I dragged in deep draughts of the clean, milky smell of him. But it wa'n't enough. It would never be enough.
I pushed him back and we both gasped for air, grinnin' a little sheepish at each other in surprise. He untangled his hands but stayed close, tightening an arm around my waist. It was stronger that I'd expected. Kind of arm that could catch you if you was to fall. I put my hand against his face, rubbing my thumb over his lips and sliding it between them when they parted. He looked up at me through his lashes as he bit down on it with white, sharp teeth. The look he gave me was part promise, part challenge. A long sigh escaped me. Caught. Only now I could see it.
"Guess we should go somewhere less public." Even to my own ears, my voice was husky with wantin'.
"The passenger dorm's out of the way of your crew," he suggested. Practical even in the throes of lust. I found that reassurin' an' unnervin' all at the same time.
"Walls is paper thin. Prefer to do without the Shepherd's lectures about that there special hell o' his."
His pupils darkened, drinkin' me in. "You think there may be some noise involved?"
"Not some. Lots."
He laughed. "Then it had better be your bunk." He paused and frowned slightly. "What about the others?"
"None of their damn business," I told him firmly. Then I remembered it wa'n't jus' me. "Unless you ..."
He cut me off with a light kiss. "I don't care who knows. In fact I'm thinking of putting an announcement in the news bulletin."
So we di'n't creep to my bunk. Jus' walked there, arms tight around each other. To keep from fallin'.
Being shoved hard up against the wall di'n't feel half so bad as I thought it might an' I made a mental note never to do that to Wash or Jayne again. But it was strange not to be in control. To let myself be led, be taken. Never imagined I could do that, nor that I'd want to. But he was so strong, so certain, it di'n't feel dangerous. It felt right.
He pulled me down onto the bed and began peeling off my clothes, slowly, studyin' my face the whole time. Part of me wanted him to hurry, but most of me was enjoyin' the slow simmerin' heat of it. By the time I was naked, the hurry-up part resurfaced. 'fraid I wa'n't nearly so careful with undressin' him. A button or two may've been ripped off. He di'n't seem to mind. Quite the opposite. I gazed at him. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at him. An' hurt more not to. When I looked him in the eye, I realized he'd been watchin' me. Not just that night, but ever since he came on board. Watchin' an' seein'. How had I not known? Somethin' needed sayin' but he kissed my mouth, crushin' the air out of me again and then moved his lips down to my chest. Gone too far for words then, I cou'n't stop from moanin'.
"Not nearly loud enough," he said, breaking off from the kissin' and takin' hold of my hips.
From there on it got fuzzier still. Remember him droppin' his head an' takin' me in his mouth. Remember tremblin' from fightin' at the edge, from tryin' not to fall. An' I remember the fallin' ... Oh, tian a! the fallin' ... Pulsin' an' goin' rigid, spurtin' an' dissolvin'. Lettin' out the breath I di'n't know I'd been holdin'. His hands catchin' me.
Felt empty a while there - like everythin' had washed out of me. Light as air an' floatin'. An object in space. But then he was in me, his hard heat fillin' me. Fillin' me with somethin' new. Hope. There was a yell, a triumphant shout that filled the room, bounced off the cold metal walls and made them sing.
"Now that is loud enough," he chuckled deep into my ear as he melted against me.
I lay my head on his chest an' he folded one of his lily-white arms round me. I'd fallen and been caught.
Caught real good.
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Title: Seein', fallin', caught
Author: skrip's disciple [email]
Details: Standalone | NC-17 | *slash* | 8k | 10/05/04
Characters: Malcolm, Simon
Summary: Mal finally sees that falling's not a problem when you've got someone to catch you.
Notes: Spoilers for "Jaynestown".
Maybe only R -erring on side of caution.
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